Last year a dollop of faecal matter hit the proverbial fan, which led to me stepping away from the conventional working world, as life as a juggling octopus really wasn't conducive for me, my family, animal, mineral or vegetable. Many months have since passed, the majority of poop has been successfully wiped from the fan and cephalopod limbs, and the challenging curve ball situation has now fallen into place, rather than fallen apart. In my dazzling positive mind, I assumed that reaching this stage of stability and calm would be the easy part, but strangely, it isn't. With my previous chaos now silenced, there is, well, just silence. And silence is often far from stable and calm. Silence is where my loud and busy thoughts promptly return from their holiday, and pile on in for an almighty party in my head. They are not negative thoughts as such, just a plethora of ideas, dreams, and new career choices all vying for my utmost attention.
When I had a poop covered fan and chaos, I had a role, sense of direction, and a feisty sense of purpose. Now, with all my silent stability in place, the eerie silence is encouraging me to look once again at what my purpose may be. For an inspirational writer, you are probably expecting an insightful synopsis into the weird and wonderful purpose of Shelley F. Knight which you can then seamlessly apply to your own life. Ummm, let me think... Ummm, I am still thinking…Ummm…Nope, you've got me there, no blooming idea.
As I started to think what my purpose might be, I came to realise that I was not entirely sure what purpose even means. What is the definition of purpose? Are purpose and life purpose the same? Is purpose a job you do in exchange for days of your life and mere money? Is purpose the whole reason we are on this earthly plane due to dharma, karma and a little life drama? By dictionary definition, purpose is the reason for which something is done or for which something exists. This denotation could be readily applied to purpose, or even life purpose. However, maybe there is a difference greater than the simple inclusion of the word life. Purpose is often understood to being of use at any given time, whereas life purpose tends to relate to the belief that our incarnation was for a specific reason; a life lesson or a karmic debt. Can you sense how busy my head has been of late?
So, in the hopes seeking answers, clarity and a butt-kicking action plan, I started to brainstorm what my purpose might be beyond the walls of family life. I created a long list of my qualifications and career experience that I could still utilise to find purpose - anything from baking cupcakes to past life regressions. But what if whilst I forge a new purpose, I am deviating from an unknown life purpose? What if I am here for just one reason, and my life is clearly mapped out for me, but I am just really sh*t at map reading. Have I been getting it wrong for all these years? I have experienced everything from fruit picking to domestic violence which are two very different life experiences and karmic debts to pay. What if I had my life map upside down all along? A map could be a handy tool in life, like being born with a survival manual. A map could show us at crossroads with a choice of different named routes forward, provide reassurance when we feel we have lost all sense of direction, or cannot see the way forward due to overwhelming emotions. A map could provide insight when we spend sleepless nights wondering which path to follow to get us to our desired destination. We would be forewarned of bridges to cross (and possibly burn), beautiful moments and places in the not too distant future, high points and low points. Maybe there is even a tall tower or the top of a mountain where we could view life from a new perspective and see a bigger picture.
Sadly, we do not have a map but maybe all is not lost.. Maybe we are wiser than we realise, and hold the answers within us, no map needed. Where is your starting point? Where on the map is the big red ‘You Are Here’ sign? What is your current reality? Where are you heading to? I ask this, as whether you are seeking a new job or the entire understanding of what your life purpose is, we are where we are today, but never lose faith, as you are more than you are today.
So, my gesture of an outcome has been made simple by waking this morning to a message from one of my soul sisters, Debbie. She encapsulated my weeks of busy thoughts and analogies into the following. Do not worry if you have had more jobs than you have had hot dinners. Equally, do not panic if you have always known what you have wanted to do from preschool and have never deviated from this career. Some of us are scanners, whilst some of us are divers. I am a scanner; I am interested in so many things and I find it hard to pursue just one option, as I fear boredom far more than I fear failure. If I was a cat, I would be long dead from curiosity. Divers are more focused and can tend to strive for perfection. They know their path and stroll down it with an air of confidence and great purpose, never caring to sneak a peek elsewhere as they are exactly where they always envisaged they would end up.
In conclusion, do more of what makes you happy, be it purpose, life purpose, karma, or curiosity. Do what fills your heart and soothes your soul, and gives a sense of meaning or joy to each and every day of this sacred life. Job done.