Last year, my husband and I finally completed our family, with the anxious yet safe arrival of our baby girl. It had been a long and heartbreaking journey to the end stage of family completion, but here I am telling the tale, so High Five, I was only bent, not broken, in the process. At the end of our emotive experience, last October, I suddenly made the impromptu decision to put our family home on the market and to escape and start afresh elsewhere. I decluttered the loft, shed, wardrobes, cupboards, bookcases, sideboards, and even my mind, for many months, and to skip to the end, our house is still on the market. Not a single house offer. Nope, not a thing. Zilch. Nada. Bugger all.
Aside from the decluttering element, we have repainted our previously Raspberry Sorbet coloured master bedroom into a significantly lighter Candy Floss choice, ripped up the hallway carpet and laid down wooden flooring, taken down lampshades and replaced with chandeliers (small scale ones, not Only Fools and Horses size), rearranged hallway and lounge, and many more things aside.
Did anyone viewing fall in love with our house? Yes. Me. I fell back in love with our little old house. I have gone from wanting to running away from all of the sadness and heartbreak we had encountered under its roof, to being thankful for the fact we had security and shelter when we needed it most. Sometimes we can be so busy and focused on what we think we want, that we fail to see and appreciate what is right before us in the here and now. Once upon a time, what we now have is probably what we were desperately wishing for, yet now it does not feel like enough.
Last week during a meditation, I was given the gift of a rough diamond and was told "everything is beautiful, it just a matter of how you look at things." If I was to pull out an honesty card, I would have to admit that there was certainly an element of me wanting to run away from everything when I put the house on the market. But that's the thing, what I thought I was running away from was the house and the memories, when really, its not the house that is haunted but my mind. So wherever I am, there it is. It is not even a house that I need to feel settled in, but the settling of my own inner peace and mind. All the sad little memory cells that pop up every now and then, often when you least expect it, and make you feel all off balanced and reflective of times gone by, that's what I need to be rid of, not the brick and mortar that surrounds me every day.
Whether we are mourning good times or bad times, they have all passed now, just a memory that we choose to carry with us, whether its for our highest good or not, only we as individuals know. So good or bad, happy or sad, up or down; nothing is permanent, so if you find yourself in Hell, keep going!
Here's the thing - everything changes. The caterpillar turns into a butterfly (although I secretly thing they look like a spider in drag), day into night, babies into adults, and one plan or idea turning into another.
I was adamant we were going to sell, start a new, don a cape and save the world, but actually what did occur was, I fell in love with my house again, and whilst I start to love the new but slightly bruised me, I know I can rely on our home's security and shelter once again.