So often we are told to step outside of our comfort zone or to take a leap of faith, but how often do we actually go for it? How many hours, days, weeks, and years pass before we do actually change our norm? We can get so stuck in our daily habits and routines, that we never get the desire or chance to look at why we are actually here on this earthly plane. However, there often comes a point where we start to think "is this it?" and realise that we are not entirely happy with our life, and this is our choice, not necessarily a reality. We can choose to change our life to one of greater happiness and fulfilment, just as we can choose to remain inert and make do with what we have. People have the power to change their current existence, even little old insomniac me, which is exactly what I did a few weeks back.
The thing with insomnia is you spend most of your day running on half a tank of body fuel, and there laid my problem. Being a busy mother to four (five, if you include my husband on a bad day), I need to use my small reserve of available energy for the essential aspects of the day. Dazzling and exciting things, you know, like school runs, mealtimes, bath times and homework. Dazzling, I tell you, bloody dazzling. No time for me, myself and I, and my busy mind, (although this may be a good thing). One overcast Thursday, I only had to make telephone calls about a wheelie bin (see, I told you my life was dazzling) but in a light bulb moment, after weeks of battling with my weekend job over my shift patterns, and months of uncertainty with our house being on the market, I quit my job and took our goddamnlicketyschplit non-selling house of the market (I never did sort out the wheelie bin problem though).
With these areas of uncertainty removed, I then knew exactly where I stood. No, I did not stand in the middle of Utopia, where everything is beyond the realms of perfect and I was blessed with angels wings to boot, but I stood solid in my life with a starting block for my next chapter, having eliminated things that felt like they were out of my control. I came to realise, that actually, I am more than capable of taking control of situations I had previously believed were controlling me. I did not like the way work was treating me, and I did not like the 'up in the air' feel of having a house available for all to see. So, gone was the weekend job which I undertook for a bit of pocket money and me time, but also gone were the weekly battles to know when I would be working, and with it, farewell to my safety net of waiting for the right time to plough ahead with my writing career. Let us be honest here, there never really is a right time for doing things in life, just the right mind set and going for it. We should not live our life in time frames and benchmarking, where we limit ourselves to doing something in five years time, or when we have a set amount of money in our bank. We should live whilst we are alive, as I proffer it will be considerably harder to live when we are dead.
The house is now well and truly ours and no-one else's, bye bye obsessive levels of tidiness (I really do not think there is a limit to how straight or puffy you can make a cushion, there is probably a full time job role for such things), cancelled viewings or impromptu viewings, and anxious waits on viewing feedback. Our former show home, is now just our home, and for now, I am happy with that. And that's the thing, these steps out of comfort zones and the brave leaps of faith, they do not guarantee that we will end up slap bang in the middle of our perceived perfect life, but they do guarantee that you are alive and moving forwards, and there is something somewhat magical about this life of yours, even if you cannot see it right now.
"Magic is believing in yourself, if you can do that, you can make anything happen." Goethe